The story of how I killed my EGO - Part 2

"I give now all my friends a number. I didn't used to do that, but after Germany, my life has changed, my thoughts will change, myself will change, so I could and will start with anything new I wanted. The reason that I will start this was en is because in Germany I saw, see and learned that I saw and see and will forever see all my friends differently. Because I only measured them by the time they give me something or help me with something. I became the baby that learned from everybody, that did not harm them, because I never gave my opinion, but only the opinion of that I thought that that was what they would want to hear without getting hurt with my words or sounds or waves or ways of expressing myself with them. I thus loved everybody with my words. The problem with that is that if I do that, people would only love my words and won't be able to fiscally or physically touch them, because that would scare them. So I had to go to older and bigger people, that I did not like so I can touch them. But I did not want to touch them. I want to only touch beauty. My beauty! I don't want to harm anybody. The ones who will cry I stop them of crying without getting them hurt. Because I am also half of their father. I am thus also their father. I am now reaching for my child. This is my child. I dance with my child. This will be the sound of my church. This will be the lyrics of my heart. The one that gives me life! The one that gives us life! The one who takes all my fears away! The one who will not make me afraid of dying. Death is not what I seek, but I don't want to see me dying! So I am not afraid. I don't see. I don't see you my friends. 9, I don't see. I don't see you my friends...." was a constantly thought that Alvin had in Germany. He even repeated that once to his friends on their way back to the tents...

Scary shit om dit weer te moeten lezen. Dit heb ik ook in Duitsland geschreven die avond dat ik alleen was en mijn drie vrienden waren aan het feesten bij Oliver Koletski en ik was en zat alleen in pijn...

Alvin